Explaining Silicon Valley to Pak Lah

He only understood between those of Salma Hayek's as Silicon Valley

After two days coming out of "the best IAP Meeting thus far", Pak Lah was still puzzle to figure out the reaction of the participants to his presence.

One of the main speaker approached him to shake hand and said, "I hope the discusion would seriously helped Malaysia crete the new MSC, MSC Malaysia, into a new Silicon Valley."

Pak Lah puzzled but politely relied, "Yes, goodwilling. We hope to do so. With your investment and technical assistance, we hope to. There is opportunity for all of us."

The man politely left. Pak Lah continued with his hand shake and small talk routine still trying to figure out what is Silicon Valley. As soon as he enters the car, he asked his accompanying aid, "Apa dia tu Silicon Valley?"

His Aid gave a technical description of the American Silicon Valley.

"Tak adalah kena mengenai Silicon dengan Valley. Cuma tempat untuk R&D industri IT. Saya ingat apa ...."

"Pak Lah ingat apa?", the Aid asked.

"Saya dok ingat "lembah" celah pompuan yang "melon" dibedah untuk kasi besak..."

The Aid looked at him trying very hard to restrain himself from laughing as he ponders, "Bila si PM dungu ni nak pencen ...?"

Satiris Yang Bisa Marah

Husin Lempoyang mungkin hanya blogger satira yang cuba menceritakan kelucuan disebalik peristiwa dan mempamirkan peristiwa disebalik kelucuan. Menulis satira rupanya lebih susah dari menulis esei. Bukan mudah rupanya mengukirkan senyuman untuk menyampaikan pengajaran dan kritikan dengan beradab dan bersopan.

Husin Lempoyang masih belum ahli dan tidak halus dalam berkarya. Husin Lempoyang insan lemah yang adakala tewas dalam menguasai emosi dan adakala terlanjur adab sopannya. Husin Lempoyang tewas dan terlanjur kerana ia masih manusia yang ada perasaan. Husin Lempoyang bisa marah dan melemparkan kata-kata apabila agama, bangsa, dan tanahair di fitnah dan tomah.

Hari ini, volcano Husin Lempoyang meledak dan digegari suratan dan siratan disebalik buku "May 13". Dalam kemarahan, Husin Lempoyang masih tidak meninggalkan adab sopan untuk mengucapkan terima kasih dijemput dan diberi laluan untuk lava nya mengalir lalu.

Kali ini, Husin Lempoyang tidak berjenaka mendagangkan orang tapi marah kepada orang yang berniat mahu mendagangkan orang dengan menjemput penjajah baru. Jemput mampir membaca tulisan Husin Lempoyang bertajuk "Buku "May 13", Singapura dan Neokolonialisma" di blog "13 Mei: Dari Kacamata Melayu."

When the Clown Chair A Meeting

The Bernama headline screams "It was The Best IAP Meeting Thus Far, Says Abdullah". Husin Lempoyang is shocked! Why is Husin Lempoyang, the merchant from Cairo and the man who made more money from selling men than camel, shocked?

Off course, I am shocked. Pak Lah is a dunce. What does he knows about IT? How many IAP Meeting has gone to see it is the best? 1 or 2 times? Husin Lempoyang forgotten that he is a RM1 trillion trade man.

Husin Lempoyang got words from his spy, disguishing as a Mat Salleh and Malaysian portal operator. This is the testimony of our operative that attended the recent 10th MSC Malaysia International Advisory Panel (IAP) meeting at the Putrajaya International Convention Centre.

"Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad’s Multimedia Super-corridor or MSC is not known by that name anymore. Senior Government staffers say that Abdullah Badawi wanted a new identity to be created to erase any links between the MSC and its founder, Tun Dr Mahathir. The Multimedia Super-corridor is now just called ‘MSC Malaysia’. On the more practical side, the change of name entailed the award of lucrative contracts to advertisers, printing new logos, new stationery and repainting vehicles and buildings. A massive amount of money changed hands.

Amidst all the shop-talk about IT, the Prime Minister interrupted the discussion to say that he knew a ‘Prince Mcqueen’ in Saudi Arabia. For the benefit of those who thought they may have misheard him, the Prime Minister repeated that he knew a ‘Prince Mcqueen in Saudi Arabia’. Who exactly is this ‘Prince Mcqueen’ and what relevance is it to the IAP meeting or to Malaysia’s MSC was not made clear by the PM.

He probably confused the Puchong Rakan Muda Centre with "IT Support Centre"

Other than a hearing disorder, the Prime Minister also exhibited a reading disability. When an American IT expert spoke about the importance of ‘IT Support Centres’, the Prime Minister interrupted him and asked, "Did you say ‘Sport Centres’?" Earlier, when another American delegate spoke about ‘inflexion points’ (referring to life cycles in IT development), the Prime Minister cut him short with a ‘kedai kopi’ style ‘what?’

When a Japanese delegate spoke of the need for Malaysia to develop a ‘blue ocean’ strategy for the next phase of IT development, the Prime Minister interrupted him to say that he had seen a book about ‘blue ocean strategies’ and that he knew the author. He did not say if he had read the book though.

When an American delegate made the same suggestion, that Malaysian IT should aim for a ‘moon shot’, meaning to really take IT development sky high, our Prime Minister again interrupted to ask, "What is a moon shot?"

Felda scheme as effort to empowering rural community with IT?

When the discussion turned to broadband penetration, the digital divide and empowering rural communities through IT, the Prime Minister said that poor people in the Middle East and Africa did not own land. He said that in Malaysia this problem had been overcome through land development schemes like Felda where the poor were given free land to plant oil palm. For delegates who were puzzled about the relevance of land development at an IT conference, the Prime Minister wrapped up his intervention by pointing out that, "Oil palm is the tree and palm oil is the oil." (I am not making this up okay?)

This summarises the two full days the Prime Minister wasted at the IAP. Malaysians can console themselves with knowing that he did not waste two full days elsewhere where he could have done some real damage - like in his office.

Earlier, while reading his opening speech from a script which he had obviously never seen before, the Prime Minister fumbled when he missed a line. Having lost the flow of the script, he started reading the same sentence again. He still fumbled and had to stop reading. Again he had to read the sentence from the beginning. He fumbled yet again and this time became visibly embarrassed. By his third attempt, the large conference hall had become deathly quiet and everyone was squirming in embarrassment as well. Finally, with everyone’s prayer and positive energy focused on the bungling Prime Minister, he was able to complete the sentence.

Talking about stock market, does he remember this chart? Fat chance ... I don't know, I am not involved

When he deviated from the prepared script, the Prime Minister made more bungling errors. He said the KLSE Composite Index had achieved its highest peak ‘five times’ in April this year. One would have thought that there could be only one highest peak. The Prime Minister then said that, before this, the KLSE reached its highest peak "13 years ago in 1993". This is 2007. For those who were hard of hearing, the Prime Minister then repeated, almost in the same breath, that "the KLSE had reached its highest peak, exceeding 1,400 points, in 1994." (Actually, the KLSE reached its highest peak in 1993 and it never went beyond 1,350 points). For those poor souls who were confused by these contradicting statements, the Prime Minister then said that the KLSE reached its highest peak on one specific day in 1995.

The Prime Minister then spoke loudly into the microphone. "The Finance Minister Nor Mohamed Yakob will know where the KLSE Composite Index is. Tan Sri Nor Mohamed can you please tell us?" demanded the Prime Minister. But Nor Mohamed Yakob was not able to answer because he was not in the conference hall. He was not attending the IAP meeting.

By the second day of IAP ...

By the second day, without any real leads from Abdullah Badawi, the IAP delegates engaged in shop-talk directly across the floor, leaving the Prime Minister even further in the dark. The role of the Prime Minister of Malaysia as the Chairman of the IAP was reduced to picking out delegates who raised their hands to speak.

The IAP meeting is becoming a farce. Government people say despite the free travel, food and lodging, many invitees just refuse to attend the IAP. The likes of Bill Gates will not be seen anymore. The attendees are now mostly low key General Managers, Vice Presidents and small businessmen who absorbed the Prime Minister’s rapt inattention for two days.

Although over 200 so-called ‘recommendations’ were listed, no major resolutions were tabled. Nothing was decided upon. There are absolutely no action plans arising out of this IAP meeting. The entire IAP meeting was just a PR event, an opportunity to have their pictures taken and carefully crafted stories appear in the newspapers the following day, to be read by villagers throughout the country. Well we all know this already. The IAP members know it too."

Pilihanraya Kecil Ijok: Keadaan Tegang Di Batang Berjuntai

Disebabkan persaingan yang agak runcing dalam pilihanraya kecil Ijok, maka satu pesanan amaran telah disebarkan di Ijok oleh pihak tertentu.

Pesanan SMS nya adalah seperti berikut:

"Kaum wanita dinasihatkan tidak pergi ke IJOK buat masa sekarang kerana BATANG BERJUNTAI dalam keadaan TEGANG."

Nampak tak betapa TEGANG keadaannya.

Orang pompuan ni jangan berani-berani.

Ani ...!!!! Mak dan suami ko suroh balik! Banyak TEGANG tu!

P/S Terimakasih kepada Another Brick in the Wall

I Hope THEY Say is Correct

It started from a scoop but MSM (mainstream media) was still quiet. Then, a journo-blogger posted it. A Siam-based amoi Malaya blogger whacked and whacked. NAB boss post the police report. The ladies are mad as hell! Abuse! Abuse!

Now it seem there is a coverup. Aiya! One "apek sudah bising". MSM publish report.

People are clamouring for blood (justice). Enough with corruption and abuse!

Those days THEY say the complain of corrupton and abuse were on "raja-raja". After the constitutional crisis, THEY say the "pembesar-pembesar ganti raja-raja". Seeing whats happenning, THEY say the "orang kerajaan tumpang sekaki".

To circumvent the "orang kerajaan", we had privatisation. Then, THEY say, "saudagar tibai keliling lagi terok". Now THEY say no more Napoleans, but its the young up and coming "pembesar-pembesar muda".

There are those that understand a different picture. And that see the big picture.

Leave it to me, Husin Lempoyang, the Camel Merchant from Cairo that sold the two Abdul slave to Jamal Pak Tongkol, for wisdom.

I say, thats good progress and I hope THEY is right. Next will be the "rakyat" 's turn for a hand on corruption and abuse.

... muahaha muahaha hahaha haha haha ha ha ha ...

Justice for all???!!!! Or perhaps THEY are wrong?

Husin Lempoyang is wise.

Whose the Boss?

To Woody Allen, the one holding the TV Channel Control is the boss in the family. Raja Petra has a different say as he retell this joke:

One day all the parts of the body held a meeting to decide who should become the boss. The brain claimed that it was the smartest so it should be the boss. The eyes said that it does all the seeing so it should be the boss. The ears said it does all the hearing so it should be the boss. The mouth said it does all the talking and eating so it should be the boss. The heart said it pumps the blood that gives life so it should be the boss. The lungs said it does all the breathing that makes life possible so it should be the boss.

And this went on with all the parts of the body shouting and disagreeing as to who should be the boss. Suddenly, while all this argument was going on, they heard a squeak from the bottom. They all stopped arguing and every part of the body fell silent. “What’s that again?” asked the brain.

“What about me? Can I be the boss?” It was the arse hole joining the debate as to who should be the boss.

When all the parts of the body heard this they all fell down laughing. They could not stop laughing. The eyes were watering with laughter. The wax from the ears popped out because of the uncontrollable laughter. The mouth laughed so furiously that it accidentally bit the tongue. The tongue was bleeding profusely but it felt no pain because it was laughing until the throat could no longer produce any sound. This laughter went on for a full ten minutes and the entire body rocked and shaked like it was being hit by the greatest earthquake in history.

But the arse hole did not join in the laughter. It kept very silent. It was very angry and hurt. When all the parts of the body had regained their composure the brain said, “You are just an arse hole. You cannot be the boss. Arse holes can never be the boss.”

When the arse hole heard this it became real mad, hoping mad, mad as hell. It said, “Oh yeah. Then let me show you who the boss is.”

From thereon the arse hole clammed up and refused to open any longer. It shut very tight and would not talk to all the other parts of the body - what the Malays would call merajuk. For many, many days no shit could pass through. After a week the brain started getting very groggy. The eyes became so watery it could no longer see. The heart started beating so softly you could no longer detect its beat. The lungs became so short of breath that oxygen was no longer being sent to the blood. It was now apparent that the entire body was dying.

Finally, all the parts of the body admitted defeat and ceded that the arse hole is the most powerful part of the body and should be made the boss. So they called another meeting and all the parts of the body unanimously agreed to appoint the arse hole as the boss, proving once and for all that all you need to be is an arse hole to become boss.

Thats an in-your-face reality check. Now I understand better the real reason AAB scare off party members from voicing the concern of the people and even disrespect for the man that put him there. A Kadir Jasin saw what made the clamp up effective.

Those that don't clean up after ... ak ak ... means you have no respect for the boss ... hehe ... yuck.

Cara mengelak disaman bila kereta ditahan polis

Husin: Helo. Ran, ekau donga tak pasal Musa kata tak payah DEB untuk seluroh Johor?

Azran: Tak do

Husin: Ini baru berapa jam, Bloomberg kelua di Internet Musa mintak dikecualikan polisi Bumiputera untuk WPI dan JOhor selurohnya.

Azran: Ah ... Muso. Kan aku dah cakap dari dulu.

Husin: Haram jadah anak haram si Musa. Pembelot pada rakyat Johor. Memang Musa ni layak di panggil derhaka. rela dia bercakap demikian.

Azran: Ah ... Muso. Apa jaso dia pada Malaysia? RISDA? Alah ... dia cuma lancarkan saja. Dia tahu kritik dan cakap. Dia memang political animal. ... Alamak aku kena tahan.

Husin: Kau tengah driving ke?

Azran: Aku baru nak masuk Subang Jaya dari Federal Highway.

Husin: Sori lah.

Azran: Nanti aku call.

Setelah 15 minit kemudian, Azran talipon balik.

Azran: Sin, aku lepas lah.

Husin: Kau lepas? Selamat RM120 ni. Mcam mana ekau buak?

Azran: Polis tu tahan, aku cakaplah kau talipon beritahu pasal apa Muso cakap. Aku pun tambahlah pasal Dolah, Khairy, Shahrir dan lain2. Polis tu sambung pulak ... eh itulah saya dengar2 di balai. Masaalah pemimpin kita ni. Aku siap nasi tambah ... ini masaalah kita ni. Dah lah Islam di persoalkan, Polis nak di gari dari kerja pakai IPCMC. Penghabisannya hak Melayu nak dilucutkan. Padahal mempersoalkan Islam dan Melayu tu bawah Akta menhasut. ... Cehhh aku kasi lagi hot. Polis tu siap jawab ... memang susahkan kami aja IPCMC. Gini sajalah bang, baik jalan aja. Ada kereta lain dah berhenti ni. Lepas aku ...

Husin: Wah ... marah betul polis dengan kepimpinan kita. Sampai kasi kau lepas pasal kau tak setuju dengan Pak Lah. Kalau gitu aku nak tampal kat kereta ... Say No to IPCMC ... hehehe ... speedign tak kena tangkap.

P 41: Kepala Batas, not Kepala Bana

Dear Kepala Batas Constituents,

We thank you very much for giving us a good laugh these more than 3 years. Your Member of Parliament have been excellent in lightening us with much humour and his zany act.

Seems you have been blessed with new highway, new UiTM campus, housing development, Agusta maintenance facility, factories, agriculture, and many more new facilities and opportunities. By the look of it, Kepala Batas is not a kampung but dreaming of being the Putrajaya of the Northern Region.

Now that you got what you want, you definately want someone better and funnier.

I understand many of you couldn't find someone better than him to replace. Have no fear. Ah ... we found someone and almost like him and funnier. Even on poster look similar, so you won't miss him.

Alfred is internationally known. You wanna consider ...?

If you a Malaysian citizen, 21 of age, and confirmed residence of Kepala Batas, you can vote for the more funny Alfred. But, if you are not registered yet, bring your IC and go to the following to fill Form A.

Keep a copy of the form as proof of your registration. Follow up and you can check on this web address: www.spr.gov.my

What?! You don't want to change?

Aisay, cakap baik-baik tak mahu dengar. ;-0

Do you remember what happened, after your local boy made Prime Ministership? Well some spirit gave you an omen of what is to come.

You forgot?

Look at the picture …

If you don't want to change him, more hantu will come to spook you and the rest of the country. :-/

Why don't you rid of the hantu and get a funnier MP? And, not to be a Kepala Bana! :-)

Husin Lempoyang

Merchant from Cairo

Damn this traffic jam!

Damn this traffic jam!

We need ...

More highway, and upgrading of existing ones.

Can help revive economy
Company cutting back and closing up
Lay-off and jobless
Crime
Gangster need to be catch
Work and responsibility for the Police.
Work for Jo ... to do

Government got no money, Pak Lah say.
People want highway but you pay more
Fed-up, demonstrate
Some kena tangkap
Ada mahu keluar so more
More work and responsibility for police
More work for Jo ... to do

Is Jo happy or sad with so much work?
Susah
How can I we read this man?


Is he getting richer because of highway .... ?
OK lah, give me back my traffic jam ...

Cuit Sikit have more to say here.

Future Career Test

Khairy has been doing all sort of thing and not settled in with a job. His diplomat father, Dato Jamaluddin (make sure its with 2 d, press people) and svengali mother, Datin Rahmah were getting worried. He was born during the father's stinct in Kuwait, grewing up in Japan, schooled in Singapore, and did varsity in England.

He was quite intelligent and articulate. But he is still unable to decide about his future career. Off course, a cub reporter at Economist and ticket boy doesn't call one as journalist or fund manager.

The father decided to do a small test. He left behind a ten-dollar bill, a book, and banana at the living room table. Then he took the mother into hiding and pretend they are not home. The father's plan was: "If our son takes the money, he will be a businessman or professional. If takes the book, he follows the book like a Government man administrator. But - if he takes the banana, I'm afraid will be a reckless playboy."

So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Several images of the son cropped into her mind ...

The Professional or Businessmen

A Government Administrator (geeky ain't he?)

but please not a playboy ...

Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son returned home ... the son saw the note, the book, and the banana. With one swope, he took the 10-dollar bill, the book, and banana ... then he left for his room, carrying all the three items.

Dato' Jamaluddin slapped his forehead, stunned. Realising the reaction of her husband, Datin held his forearm, "Bang, bang, what happen? What does it mean?" She continues to pester, "Is he going to be an enterprising Government man but a playboy?"

Composing himself, he answered: "Darn, it's even worse than I could ever have imagined ..." "Our son is going to be a politician!", Dato continued. "And worst of all, we is in such a hurry he wants to be PM by 40!"

Thats history, folks! He's found his shortcut.





Doesn't matter which is up or down, he couldn't care less ...

Difference between TV and handphone

A wife is like a TV. A girlfriend is like a handphone (hp).

At home watch TV. Go out bring hp. No money watch TV. Got money change hp. Sometime enjoy TV but most of the time play with hp.

TV is free for life but hp.... if don’t pay no service la.

Picture from 8080.net

What do we make out for a handphone TV? Thats like girlfriend at home.

I'll ask Pak Lah how is it like? Rumour ... rumour ... rumour.

Must be his new vocab to deny deny deny...

Oh rumput, Oh rumput! Kenapa tak tumbuh?

Alkisahnya, arwah Endon (al Fatihah di pohon dari pembaca) memang sudah bersedia menghadapi kenyataan kerana adik beradik kembarnya pun menghadapi sakit yang sama.

Mengikut sumber-sumber tertentu, cinta Endon cukup suci kepada Dol hingga merelakan ia berkahwin lagi setelah peninggalannya demi kebajikan Dol.

Itu serious dan seterusnya jenaka.

Satu petang bulan puasa semasa Endon sedang sakit di Hospital Putrajaya (sebaik pulang dari LA, USA) dan di hari2 akhirnya.

Dol dan Endon hanya berdua saja di bilek. Endon memandang pada Dol dan berkata, "Lah, lah, aku tahu bila aku tak ada nanti, kau perlukan seseorang untuk jaga urusan kau supaya dapat memerintah negara dengan baik. Saya pun tak mahu Nori tu terhabis masa menjaga kau. Dia dah bersuami dan suami dia ni aku faham benarrrr".

"Dahlah jangan cakap benda-banda macam ini. Insya Allah, kamu akan pulih dan kita akan bahagia seperti sedia kala." Dol seolah-olah tak sedia menerima kenyataan ini.

"Kita kena menerima takdir, Lah", kata Endon. "Aku tak menghalang kau nak cari orang lain lepas aku dah tak ada. Aku cuma mintak satu permintaan saja. Kau jangan cepat sangat. Bagilah masa. Sekurang-kurangnya rumput di kubur saya naik sekaki"

Dengan linangan airmata, "Yalah sayang", kata Dol yang mahu segera mengakhiri perbincangan itu. Ia pun terus memelok isterinya dengan tangisan.

Tak disedari masa itu, Nori baru sampai dan berada di pintu mendengar perbualan ibubapanya.

Seperti sedia maklum Endon meninggal. Selepas selamat dikebumi dan sudah hampir 6 bulan, Dol sekeluarga baru hilang rasa sedih.

Satu hari, hari minggu, semasa menziarahi kubor arwah bersama Nori, Dol barulah teringat pasal pesanan Endon. Dol baru sedar kubor itu bersih tak berumput. Lalu di tanya siapa yang membersihkan kubor. Seorang penjaga kubor datang dan mengaku dialah yg selalu buat kerana di suroh mandurnya. Dol pun beritahu supaya tak payah buat lagi.

"Saya nak buat sendiri", kata Dol. Dia pun hadiahkan wang padanya. Penjaga kubor itu terpinga2. Dalam hati Dol, ia berkata lega dan dalam dua tiga bulan lagi pasti rumput itu akan tinggi sekaki. Nori di belakang dengar dan berasa susah hati.

Satu hari minggu, Dol pergi dan sedar kubor masih bersih. Dipanggil penjaga kubor dan tanya, "Kamu ada bersihkan kubor lagi ke?" Penjaga tu jawab dengan kehairanan, "Tidak Dato". Dol pun hairan.

Habis tu dia ingat nak buat lawatan kejutan. Selalunya dia hanya kelapangan untuk ziarah hari bukan kerja.

Satu hari di pejabat, hari Khamis gitu, Dol berasa mengantuk dan ingat ini masa sesuai untuk hendap kubor arwah Endon. Dia pun balik rumah dan memandu sendiri Morris Minor kesayangannya untuk pergi diam2.

Sampai-sampainya ke perkarangan kubor, terkejut dia melihat. Dari jauh kelihatan ... Nori sedang mencabut rumput kubor ibunya.

Diam-diam Pak Lah pergi ke pondok tukang kubor dan bertanya pasal Nori. "Tiap-tiap Khamis dia mesti datang dengan suaminya. Hari ini tak pulak"

Diambil dari Forum MyKMU. Terima kasih CucuWakTelu dan mungkin BigGuyDotCom. Siapa-siapa yang dudok di Putrajaya, boleh kasi tahu rumput dah naik sekaki? Dengar-dengar dah naik, dah.

Oh belon, oh belon!

Masa ana kecik-kecik dahulu, suka benar ana lagu “Oh bangau, oh bangau”.

Oh bangau, oh bangau!
Kenapa engkau kurus?
Macam mana aku tak kurus, perut aku lapar.

Ditanya pulak perut:

Oh perut, oh perut!
Kenapa engkau lapar?
Macam mana aku tak lapar, nasi mentah.

Begitu pulak jawabnya, dan bersambunglah salah menyalahkan atau alasan demi alasan; dari nasi mentah ke kayu basah, hujan turun, katak panggil dan ular nak makan katak. Akhir sekali bila ditanya ular:

Oh ular, oh ular!
Kenapa engkau nak makan katak.
Memang makanan aku!

Setelah macam-macam sebab, akhir qalam apa boleh buat…

Akhir-akhir ini katanya dah ada lagu, "Oh Belon, oh belon!"

Belon? Belon ini?


Atau belon ini?



Ini pun belon.

Tak.

Belon tu panggilan untuk kapalterbang bagi orang Sarawak, Dato Ron cakap.

Oh ... pasal belon yang diketahui ramai pada January 25hb, 2007 di Berita KMU dan gambar yang lebih awal keluar di Malaysia Today. Bila ditanya PM apabila turun dari belon yang kembali dari Davos, gini dan gitu pulak jawabnya. Apa lagi, merebaklah macam api ganas persoalannya sana sini ...

Bila keluar cerita lain, dah mula diam.

Supaya "jangan mudah lupa", ada brader sudah bising semula. Dia kata ini bohong "sunat", bohong haram. Si Tattoo kenit pun dah jerit, "The plane, the plane!". Kuda kepang dah naik sheikh marahkan "kanak-kanak" yang beli belon tapi tak beli buku sekolah. Dah sampai, tak berenti dia merawan "Belon, belon".

Akhir-akhir ini ada keluar juga jawapan secara tak rasmi melalui si Kerinting di Agenda Daily.

Kalau gitu, dah adalah lagu "Oh belon, oh bulan!" Agaknya macam gini kut?

Oh belon, oh belon!
Kenapa kerajaan beli belon?
Macam mana kerajaan beli, itu PMB punya.

Oh PMB, oh PMB!
Kenapa beli belon?
Macam mana tak beli belon, Pengarah suroh beli.

Oh Pengarah, oh Pengarah!
Kenapa suroh beli?
Macam mana tak beli, (katanya) Falcon Focker rosak selalu.

Oh Falcon, oh Fokker!
Kenapa rosak selalu?
Macam kamu tahu rosak, suratkhabar "main" tulis.

Ini baru berapa rangkap, akan bersambung-sambung untuk salah menyalahkan dan alasan demi alasan.

Dengar kata belon awam senang dapat pelepasan diplomatik dari belon TUDM. Belon usang 32 tahun dan 18 tahun. PM tak tahu teknikal? PMB dkuasai MOF teknikal? Jangan heran si Pengedar Belon bawah ni (iklan free) disalah atau diguna jadi alasan...

Ah rasmi di Malaysia .... akan berakhir begini nanti.

Oh Gomen, oh Gomen!
Kenapa mesti perlu beli?
Macam mana aku nak kata, PM nak juga.

Kisah Kapalselam

Pihak KEMENTAH sudah bersedia untuk menamakan kedua dua kapalselam “Scorpene” yang ditempah dari DCNi, Perancis. Dijangka kapalselam ini akan mula beroperasi 2009.

Kapalselam pertama, yang sedang dibina di limbungan DCNi Cherbourg, Perancis dijangkakan dinamakan “KD Tunku Abdul Rahman”. Manakala yang kedua, yang sedang dibina di limbungan Ixar Cartagena, Sepanyol, akan dinamakan “KD Tun Abdul Razak”.

Nama pilihan yang cukup bagus sekali, amat sesuai digunakan kepada alatan senjata strategik melambangkan mereka yang pernah berjasa mempertahankan Malaysia .

Mungkin dari ini, boleh dirumuskan fleet kapalselam TLDM hanya akan berjumlah empat sahaja. Ini kerana, jika ada lima, maka kapalselam kelima itu mungkin tidak berapa bagus. Nampak macam 'clean' (bersih), tetapi bersarang.

Nakhoda sering tertidur semasa bertugas. Nakhodanya juga mungkin akan mengambil keputusan berbaik-baik dan ‘bertepuk tepuk belakang’ dengan “musuh”.

Kapalselam itu akan terlalu kerap keluar negara.

Pegawai-pegawai kananya akan mengaturkan rancangan sendiri (tanpa melibatkan markas) seperti menglibatkan diri dengan Monsoon Cup tahunan.

Anak-anak kapal juga selalu mengunakan kapalselam untuk memancing dimalam hari dan nakhodanya kerap bercuti (R & R) keluar negara juga!

Motto kapalselam kelima itu mungkin "submarine hadhari".

Masalah tu!

Dari blog Biggum Dogmannsteinberg.

Putrajaya schools to use NST: NST Desperate?

February 20th, 2007 marks the one month birthday of Bloggers United. It officially started from the day Sheih called for a Cyberwar to Boycott NST.

NST could be desperate now. People are not buying their newspaper and other publications. They would request their company to stop advertise on NST, Berita Harian and Harian Metro. Some go to the extent of boycotting TV3 and other affiliated channels.

How desperate they are? See this news excerpt below:

New Straits Times
February 16th, 2007

Putrajaya schools to use NST

NST School Sponsorship Programme

Schools in the federal administrative capital will be using the New Straits Times as part of their learning tool, thanks to Alliance Teamwork Marketing Sdn Bhd.

The company is sponsoring the newspaper to 13 schools under the NST School Sponsorship Programme.

The year-long sponsorship is worth RM42,640.

ATM executive chairman Danny Chua handed over the sponsorship to New Straits Times Press group editor-in-chief Datuk Hishamuddin Aun at a ceremony here yesterday.

Some believed that it could be only two things. One, its a long term corporate plan to invest in readers through a scholarship program. Two, it could be a long term plan to develop future news spinners.

Well, I hope NST has deep enough pocket to finance its future readers and spinners. Give us 6 months and we will turn them into Bloggers ... hehehe.

By the way, Rocky will be at the Denmark House court on Thursday February 22nd, 2007 for his court proceeding. AT 2:30 p.m., there will be a cake cutting to mark this joyous one month occasion.

Read the message correctly, Dol

Since raising the Proton issue early last year, Tun Dr Mahathir has been going around the country delivering his criticism of the current adminsitration.

The defiant Tun went to the extent of contesting for a seat as delegate for the UMNO general Assembly. He lost allegedly due to high level conspiracy and money politics.

The weekend before the UMNO GA, he was about to deliver his speech for JB. However, he had a mild heart attack and rested for quiet a while. He was requested to rest for some month or two.

After a while, many of these aggitators have become restless. "We don't even know if Mahathir is still talking about politics. It seems he has finally rest his gauntlet", they say.

Since then, Dol has become bolder and more reckless. Some believed he has got himself a new boat. He has been enjoying himself with long holidays, yachting, golfing and a socilite cajoling with Hollywood stars. He has got himself a new private jet.

When he heard this rumbling on the ground, the good Tun decided to send Dol a letter and doodled something on a piece of paper. This sort of alert him that he is still in the game.

Dol received the private letter from Tun and openned it. He can't understand it since it written in code message.

370H-SSV-0773H

Dol was baffled, so he sent the letter to not-my-adviser KJ. KJ and his band of Tingkat 4 couldn't figure it out. It was not in their textbook and never taught at Oxbridge.

He thought he should give respect to the HP6 Minister before sending it to the intelligence people to decipher. Not that he expect anything out of them.

Subsequently, the letter reached the FBI, but they couldn't figure it out and it was sent to the CIA. The CIA gave up and sent it to the Brit. Even MI6 didn't get anywhere with it, and they sent to Mossad. The brilliant Tun's message was even no feat for the Mossad.

Finally, Dol decide to ask for the help of the Singapore Intelligence, through Kali. Within minutes after e-mailing it to Singapore, Kali forwarded the SMS response from Singapore.

"Tell the Prime Minister he's holding the message upside down."

By the time Flip Flop man Dol could understand the message, Tun already delivered his speech in JB February 10th recently. BigDog, A Voice , and Berita KMU gave quite a peek into what transpired there.

This joke was originally posted on Forum KMU by "bossconsult".

Berapa zero dalam satu trillion?

Sesuai dengan rancangan tuan-tuan Penasihat untuk mempertingkatkan imej PM, beberapa tindakan telah dirancang. Antara rancangannya ia-lah untuk PM pergi ke World Economic Summit, di Davos.

Dah pergi dan dapat pun bercakap. Cakap pasal apa? Islam Hadhari … sabar dulu jangan ketawa.

Maka keluarlah gambar PM dengan ahli panel konon-konon khusyuk mendengar. Alah! Orang putih memang sopan … jangan percaya sangat. Kalau cara British, dengan cara lemah lembut dan sopan kita disindir dan dikutuk.

Dalam penat-penat dah set baik-baik, timbul pulak cerita pasal kapalterbang jet korporat baru. Aiseyman… PM tak tahu struktur korporat PMB yang dalam Kementerian … malunya.

Sorang Penasihat lain memberi buah fikiran kata, kena pertingkatkan keyakinan ekonomi.

Maka, berusaha sedaya upaya para-para balaci mencari alasan untuk mengatakan ekonomi sedang dalam keadaan baik. Setelah itu, semua para-para pemberita telah dipanggil dan diperintah untuk kow tow membantu.

Keluarlah idea untuk kompangkan jumlah dagangan mencecah RM1 trillion. Sebagai satu pencapaian nombor baru, maka boleh memberi gah hebatnya PM. Padahal ini sebenar hasil usaha Tun. Macam mana nak kompang dalam keadaan ekonomi yang unjuran bagi 2006 dan 2007 bawah 6%?

Semasa press conference, pemberita-pemberita diarah bertanya mengikut script. Kebanyakkan pun antara fed-up atau tidak berani nak tanya soalan yang PM tak tahu. Selalu dema kena marah.

Semua ok melainkan satu pemberita suratkhabar nyamuk yang tak berapa tahu isu ekonomi. Dia tanya soalan cerdik: "Berapa zero dalam satu trillion?"

Pak Lah pun jawab: "Oh? Kami akan buat kajian dan beritahu jawapan minggu depan. Yang saya difahamkan, ekonomi kita baik dan rakyat sedang mewah".

Penasihat-penasihat ditepi hantuk dahi. Sebenarnya masing-masing dah tahu dia tak layak jadi Menteri Kewangan, tapi apa boleh buat?

Too much spin that he is believing his own spin.

Kenyataan Jet Baru: Tak Susah Nak Buat Lawak

PM nafi beli pesawat VIP untuk diri sendiri

MStar Online, 29hb Januari, 2007 20:40:42.0

SEPANG: Kerajaan menyewa sebuah pesawat Airbus milik Penerbangan Malaysia Berhad (PMB) untuk kegunaan pemimpin negara dan orang kenamaan kerana langkah ini lebih murah daripada membeli.

Sambil menafikan laporan bahawa pesawat mewah itu untuk kegunaan peribadinya, Perdana Menteri Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi berkata ia juga boleh digunakan oleh Yang di-Pertuan Agong.

"Kami tidak membeli, kami menyewa. Kenapa perlu kita membeli kapal terbang sedangkan ia akan menambahkan kos, jadi lebih baik kerajaan menyewanya dan kita tidak perlu memikirkan soal penyenggaraan.

"Pesawat itu kepunyaan PMB, itu wang mereka. Kerajaan hanya menyewanya macam juga MAS menyewa pesawat-pesawat daripada PMB," kata beliau sewaktu tiba di sini sewaktu pulang dari London dan Davos hari ini.

Beberapa laman web melaporkan jet korporat A319 yang bernilai US$50 juta dipesan pada pertengahan 2005 dan bahagian dalamnya sekarang sedang dihias di Switzerland.

PMB sebuah anak syarikat penuh Khazanah Nasional Bhd, cabang pelaburan
kerajaan, dan juga syarikat induk MAS.

Tam taram tam tam tam tam taram .... berbunyi lagu Mozart di talipon bimbit saya menandakan panggilan masuk. Melihat nombornya kepunyaan sepupu saya Faizi, saya menerima panggilan itu.

Faizi: Assalamualaikum

Husin: Mualaikumsalam

Faizi: Abang Husin, apa ni Pak Lah beli jet baru? Kata dulu, tak mahu hidup bermewah-mewah. Tak mahu menara bergemerlapan. Apa cerita?

Husin: Ehhh.. tak pa lah dia nak beli jet. Anak dia kaya.

Faizi: Tak bang. Dia beli corporate jet kerajaan baru. Lepas tu, dia kata kerajaan tak beli tapi sewa.

Husin: Macam gitu ke?

Faizi: Bila saya cek di website-website dan blog-blog, rupanya dia sewa dari Penerbangan Malaysia Berhad, yang merupakan syarikat sepenuh kerajaan. Tak kan dia tak tahu?

Husin: Dia tak tahu, gut?

Faizi: Dia ni bodoh ke? Dia Menteri Kewangan dan PMB kepunyaan 100% Kementerian Kewangan. Mana boleh tak tahu? Heeeh ... bodohnya!!!

Husin: Kalau dia bodoh, janganlah marah dia. Dia memang bodoh

Faizi: Kalau dah bodoh, janganlah jadi Menteri Kewangan! Janganlah jadi Menteri Keselamatan Dalam Negeri! Di JPM saja, dah banyak Jabatan dan Agensi! Biarlah orang lain yang tahu kerja, pegang jawatan! Ikut kan, PM pun tak layak!!!

Husin: Itu yang aku cakap. Orang bodoh memang tak tahu dirinya bodoh. Jangan marah dia.

Faizi: (Terpinga-pinga dan tak puas hati kerana geramnya tak habis lepas)

Blogger Bersatu! Ini Betul-betul, Bukan Cubaan...

Ini bukan cubaan! Ini betul-betul bersatu!

... ehehehe ... Cubaannnn... Mambang kuning, Mambang merah ... Mambang bahu, Mambang mancing, Mambang Golf, Mambang kandaq, Mambang .....

Ini bukan cubaan! Ini betul-betul orang marah.

Ana bersama-sama menyokong Rocky, Jeff Ooi, Sang Kelembai, Kickdefella, dan lain-lain blogger untuk kebebasan blogging. Harap ente semua guna logo ini untuk sama-sama bersatu untuk blogging.

Undur ... Lah!

Husin Lempoyang
Januari 15hb, 2007
Tempat ... hehehe tak boleh ceritalah, kita penembak curi

Dolah Di Periksa Doktor

Dolah sangat penat pada akhir tahun 2006. Jadual beliau sungguh padat.

Beliau telah membuat lawatan rasmi ke Caracas, Venuzuela. Dalam perjalanan, dia berhenti di Turki. Selepas habis lawatan, dia baru dapat cuti 3 hari di Greece, tapi terpaksa pulang mengenangkan dan memantau rakyat yang dilanda banjir. Singgahlah dia selama 5 jam pada hari Krismas di Sri Gading, Batu Pahat, dan Jasin.

Sampailah dia untuk balik kampung petang Krismas di Perth. Itu pun jadual ketat. Besoknya, main golf. Lusa, deep sea fishing. Jumaat dan Sabtu, majlis dan pelancaran Restoren Nasi Kandar Puteri di Perth. Baru dapat rehat hari Ahad Raya Haji. Besok dia cadang nak periksa doktor kerana masa'alah tidor akibat banyak sangat pergi majlis.

Hari Isnin tu, Dolah pun pergi ke Hospital. Sampai ke tingkat 5, Dolah keluar lif, jalan sedikit dan masuk terus ke bilek Doktor dengan ADC nya. Ia disambut dengan layanan baik dan mesra dan dijemput dudok. Selepas perbualan kecil dan beberapa pertanyaan, Doktor Omputih to nak mulakan pemeriksaan.

Diambilnya jangkasuhu untuk dimasukkan mulut Dolah, tapi Dolah tak mahu buka mulut dan arah selit celah ketiak. Doktor menerangkan, "That is for babies only. It won't be accurate for adults." Dolah masih berdegil. Terpaksalah Doktor mengikut kehendaknya. Hairan Doktor, kenapa susah sangat.

Setelah selesai pemeriksaan, dia mengarahkan Dolah pergi ke bilek X-ray. Semasa Dolah di luar bilek, Doktor menahan ADCnya untuk bertanya masaalah tadi. ADC menjawab, "He is shy because he has fork tongue". Barulah Doktor tahu Dolah lidah bercabang.

Kita di Malaysia sedia maklum dah.

Bagi yang masih belum, baca ini dari siri No. 1 ke No. 14 dan seterusnya di Cuit-Cuit Sikit.